Adult-Child Communication as a Source of Originating Fears

Childhood is that sensitive period when a person’s overall worldview and beliefs about themselves, the people around them, and the outside world are formed. Experiences from childhood continue to exist into adulthood and manifest in the form of our emotions and behaviors. According to Anthropoanalysis, pathological dispositions are formed during the most vulnerable period of childhood before the age of 6 - when a child has not yet developed the capacity for critical analysis. This is precisely why the childhood years are of utmost importance for the formation and functioning of a healthy psyche, a process in which healthy communication from adults plays an enormous role.

Numerous studies have been conducted on how significant a parent's reaction to various stimuli is for shaping a child's specific attitudes. Consider the findings of a 2024 meta-analysis conducted in the Netherlands, which combines the analysis of five different studies. Researchers were interested in the causal effect of verbal threat-related information from parents on children's fear responses to novel stimuli. Meta-analytic findings showed that a parent's verbal threat information about novel stimuli can increase a child's fear even after a single contact/exposure to these stimuli. Non-verbal reactions were also examined in the study; however, the negative impact of parental verbal reactions significantly outweighed the effects of non-verbal ones.

From this, we can conclude that seemingly harmless phrases used by parents, educators, and caregivers in an attempt to ensure a child's safety and manage their behavior can actually become the cause of numerous fears in children. In everyday life, these phrases often vary:

• "Don't touch the dog, it will bite you!"

• "Don't go down the stairs without me, you'll roll down!"

• "Put the knife down, you'll cut yourself!"

• "Don't get sweaty, or I'll take you to the doctor and they'll give you a shot!"

• "Don't run in the street, a car will hit you!"

• "Stop right now, or I'll leave you behind!"

• "Don't talk to strangers, or someone will take you away!"

• "If you get into trouble, I won't be able to save you!"

These and many other phrases appear to contain only warning messages intended to help adults protect their children from danger. However, improper phrasing blocks the child's desire to act and triggers an unhealthy fear (the conflict of I want to vs. I am not allowed to). In Anthropoanalysis, this is precisely what we refer to as the formation of pathological dispositions, leading to a lost sense of security and broken trust.

For instance, a child who is fascinated by a fluffy street animal tries to approach it to explore it through observation and touch. In response, the child receives a restrictive message from the parent indicating that the dog or cat is dangerous and bites. This is often accompanied by physical movements such as quickly pulling the child away from the animal along with emotional facial expressions and alarm from the parent. At an early stage of development, a child effectively views the world through the perceptions and attitudes of their parents. Consequently, in this specific situation, they begin to evaluate things from the parent's perspective: "If mom/dad is afraid, then I should be afraid too." Fear also possesses a specific quality it can generalize to other similar objects or situations. As a result, the child may develop a fear not only of dogs, but of many or even all furry animals. Fear can also attach to additional stimuli present in that given situation.

So, how should we talk to children in potentially dangerous situations to avoid instilling fear?

Let us return to the example of interacting with dogs on the street. First and foremost, it is important for parents to address their own fears regarding dogs, as parental fears are often directly transferred to children. As for talking directly to the child, we can discuss the topic in advance or within the context of play. We can tell the child how intelligent dogs are, how they learn to perform various tasks, how they help people, and so on.

During the conversation, explain simply that when interacting with dogs, it is important to observe safety measures so we don't upset or startle them. Explain that walking right up to a dog to pet it is not wise. It is essential to respect the animal's boundaries; otherwise, it will protect itself and might bark, chase, or even bite. We can allow the child to interact with dogs we know to be friendly and safe. We can also teach our children how to care for animals and share food with them.

Step by step, the child will learn to love animals rather than fear them, while following safety rules and engaging with them properly. Furthermore, interacting with animals provides children with vital skills and benefits, including caregiving, friendship, play, positive emotions, empathy, a stronger immune system, and much more.

Prohibitions and restrictions delivered without explanation are unclear to children. Therefore, the information we convey must always be simple for them to understand. With this approach, we can protect children from developing unhelpful, limiting fears in any situation whether regarding everyday risks (such as crossing the street, using a knife, or walking up and down stairs) or other moments concerning the child's health and safety. In doing so, we earn greater trust from them and build a far closer relationship.

Mariam Khmaladze - Psychologist, Psychotherapist, MSc., Member of the PsychoArsi Team