Introversion vs. extroversion (Is there really a competition here?!)"

My parent doesn't like me the way I am and from the very beginning gives me instructions: "Don't be yourself, be another child." Many people probably remember from childhood how parents apologized for their child's confusion, silence, and shyness, compared them to other children, and said: "Why can't you be active, lively, and quick like that neighbor's or relative's child? How come you're so slow and boring?..." Parents may choose a younger child over an older one, or a brother over a sister, or vice versa. A mother may constantly compare her child to other children: "Little Saba is already riding a two-wheeled bicycle, and he's a year younger than you." A mother doesn't like her child the way he is because she keeps the image of the desired "ideal child." She imagines the "right child" as follows: a child should be active, sociable, bold, fast, agile, aggressive, who fights and asserts himself. Therefore, he reacts positively only to those aspects of the child that remind him of this image, and either ignores or reacts negatively to the rest. Such behavior of parents is due to their own self-esteem. Since they are not in a state of self-acceptance, they cannot accept their child as he is.

When we consider such examples, we are led to the most important problem in personality psychology, the problem of typology. When talking about human typology, we can distinguish two main dispositions: temperament and character. Temperament is an innate, innate disposition, while character is acquired throughout life.

K. Jung's introversion-extroversion typology is innate, biologically and physiologically determined. H. Eysenck identified a genetic dimension of extroversion-introversion, a "superfactor", a continuum, which he correlated with four types of temperament. Extroversion correlates with sanguine and choleric, and introversion - with phlegmatic and melancholic.

As society sees it, there is still a narrow range of socially acceptable personality traits. We are taught that success means openness, agility, quickness, strong sociability, that happiness is associated with cheerfulness, fun, the ability to easily contact people. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts and lose sight of who we really are. “If you yourself are not an introvert, your spouse, colleague, friend or relative may be. One in three people you know may be an introvert. If this statistic surprises you, it is because many people simply pretend to be extroverts. It is absolutely understandable why many introverts hide their true colors from others and from themselves” (S. Kane).

Our society is governed by the value system of the “ideal extrovert.” Introversion is characterized by quietness, slowness, less expressiveness, sensitivity, seriousness, and composure, which are considered secondary qualities. Extroversion is particularly attractive, to which everyone must somehow conform.

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  Studies confirm that talkative people are considered more intelligent, attractive, interesting, and desirable among friends.

• However, the pace and pitch of speech also matter: people who speak quickly are considered more competent than those who speak slowly.

• Many institutions in our society are focused on people who enjoy working on team projects.

• According to research, the majority of teachers believe that the ideal student should be an extrovert.

• American psychologist Allport wrote: "Modern civilization, even the calm and reserved person, gives preference to expressive, aggressive people."

A child who is rejected and criticized by society (primarily by his own parents), later, before he understands and realizes (if he understands and realizes) the nature of introversion, thinks and will think that there is something wrong with him, something is wrong with him. These feelings can follow a person throughout his life, develop into an inferiority complex and a feeling of guilt, why is he like this?! He may be troubled by his conscience when he refuses an invitation to a party because he prefers to read a good book alone (if he is at least aware that he prefers to read a book, we can consider this an even better case, because the majority of introverted patients in psychotherapy are so lost in thought that they do not even know what they prefer and feel guilty about their existence in general). They are often asked why they are so quiet, so peaceful? He too believes that the "good," "correct" state is extroverted expression and suffers because of his own "imperfect" nature.

The difference between introverts and extroverts in many parameters is confirmed by research (which I will tell you about later), and believe me, there is no need for a competition at all, there is no "right" and "wrong" type, no "good" and "bad" version of a personality, it's all a dispositional given.

"Know thyself", think about your own thoughts, nature, desires, collaborate with yourself, get to know it, follow the process of reflection, be who you really are for your own freedom and happiness!

Tamar Merabishvili - Psychologist, Psychotherapist, MSc, PhD, Director of the Psychophysiological Rehabilitation Center "Arsi"